5 Types of Friendships
I often find myself contemplating the definition of "friendship," especially in the context of today's world.
Thirty years ago, you might have had a close friend in high school with whom you hung out every day after school. However, after graduation, you both headed to different schools and eventually lost touch. You may have crossed paths during winter breaks or chance encounters at the grocery store, sparking a conversation filled with catch-up. Typically, it would end with the well-intended but often unfulfilled promise of, "We should get together again sometime!" And that was perfectly okay!
In the digital age, with the advent of social media, the natural process of drifting apart seems to have changed. Moreover, the guilt or anxiety triggered by seeing an old friend's Instagram post might lead to thoughts like, "I should make more effort to stay in touch with that person. We used to be so close, and I feel bad for not reaching out."
For those of us in our late 30s and early 40s, we are the first to experience this shift, and it sometimes feels like friendships are like a clown car, with everyone piling in on top of each other. But what if we embraced a new model? What if we envisioned friendships as a series of circles or segments, where individuals can move up or down these bubbles over the course of our lives?
This is the concept of friendship I've been sharing with my children. Rather than categorizing friends into just two buckets—friends and acquaintances—I explain that we have five basic circles for our friends:
Smile & Wave Friends: These are friends we recognize, acknowledge with a quick smile or wave, and know they are not strangers.
Cordial Chat Friends: These are friends with whom we engage in a quick chat, taking a moment to catch up on life when we cross paths, like a chance encounter in a grocery store.
Hang "Out" Friends: These are friends we consciously make plans to spend time with—playdates, coffee outings, meals, movies—creating memories and getting to know them better.
Invite in Our Home Friends: These are friends we trust to enter our homes, where we feel safe and comfortable. They might join us for a small dinner party, chat over cocktails on the porch, or share a takeout meal and a board game.
Invite in Our Heart Friends: This is the most special group—those with whom we share a piece of our heart and truly open up, sharing our lives and deepest emotions.
The beauty of these five types of friends is that anyone can move in and out of these bubbles at any given time. However, once someone is welcomed into the smaller bubbles, like "In Our Home" and "In Our Heart," it can be challenging for both parties to return to a larger circle, such as "Smile & Wave." Emotions are involved in this shift, so it's wise to proceed with hopeful caution when moving a friend from our home to our heart.
After discussing this concept with my children, we applied it to real-life friends, helping them understand and classify the various friendships in their lives. I also noticed that I stopped feeling guilty when I saw a "long-lost friend" post on social media.
They aren't lost; they were once "hang 'out' friends" who naturally transitioned into "cordial chat friends." I continue to cherish and respect these friendships while honoring the memories we created together in the past.
